There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
