Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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