Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
