I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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