The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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