I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
