You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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