i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
