Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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