So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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