is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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