No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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