..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
