So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I smell like Dick and happiness
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
