Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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