I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
