he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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