Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
