Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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