I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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