..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
