At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
