I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
