My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
