i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
