She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
