my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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