I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
