Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
