hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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