You know, be my cock's hype man.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
