i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
