if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
