Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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