just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
