So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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