just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
