I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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