Don't make out with my wife yet
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The struggles of a small town man whore
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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