I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So much rum. So many feels.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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