need another drink. this is the easiest way
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My pussy is not your playground.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
