I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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