Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
