I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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