Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
