ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
