the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
