Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
