im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
