I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
