you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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