Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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