Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
