How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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