one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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