Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
