My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
