what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
