Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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