Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
