i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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