he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
sex in a hospital.. check
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
