i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
