my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
