You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
