I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize