Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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