If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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