I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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