I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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