I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
